Give me a break, dumbass! You think you’re special? You think you’re a younger, faster, better Stephen Hawking? Let me help you get a clue! Every single teenager that’s ever been or ever will be thinks they know shit! They all think their parents are morons and that they have simple solutions to life’s complex problems. You know what smart teenagers, such as yourself, turn into? Dumb old parents like me who think that clothes dryers are wormhole generators because there’s no other explanation for all those missing socks!

I understand! I really do! When I was your age, I read a couple of books and all of a sudden I was goddamn Einstein! I was so thoroughly convinced I “understood” everything and that I was the first to ever ponder life’s mysteries that I believed, everyone, besides me, was a bonehead! And then, the unthinkable happened! I ran into a guy who was so much goddamn brighter than me! He tore me a new asshole, ripped apart every stupid theory I’d ever entertained and sent me packing with my tail between my legs. I only realized it a few years later, but that guy was full of shit too! Then it slowly began to dawn on me that we’re pretty much all full of shit!

So let me save you some time, trouble and embarrassment! You’re full of shit! There! Now…you know that “feeling” you’ve got inside that’s got you a little shaken? You’re second guessing yourself? All of a sudden you’re not so sure? A bit angry and confused? Congratulations! That’s maturity creeping in on you! And you know who’s tagging along? The sad realization that you’re a dunderhead, just like the rest of us!

Good talk! I think we made some progress today!